The Dilemma.

Now, I love the Fourth as much as the next person. But each year leaves me in an unlikely predicament that starts with a morning of indecision and ends with me second guessing myself for the rest of the day. I like to call it the Tee-shirt Dilemma.

It normally comes down to the Final Five. Each shirt is perfectly patriotic, each appealing in its own way, each just interesting and obscure enough to effect the essential Cooler Than Thou image. But which to pick?

1. The Heil to the Chief: Procured in Deutzchland and it shows. Says something in German about the U.S. and West German collaboration. Perfectly innocent except for the huge black eagle that dominates--looking like it's flown straight off some perch in Burchesgarten. Not really Fourth fare, but it remains in the running, just in case I'm feeling punchy.
2. The VeePee: Another German item, though much less risky. Great colors, great lines. Is dated to 1984 which gives it a nice retro feel. But alas, it's a wee bit too small. Has a good chance, but often comes in as runner up, unless I feel like sucking in the gut all day.
3. The Contender: Has won the last two years. Sports the 82nd Airborne Wings on the front with a nod to Fort Bragg. Has cute little blue caps on the sleeves and neck. Is red, white and blue. Has garnered many approving comments by WWII veterans in grocery store parking lots. But. I'm always a little uncomforable in it. Do I really want to be rocking out the "REENLIST ALL-AMERICAN" ("you snot-nosed chicken shits" (implied)) around a potentially liberal crowd? Not really. One must be respectful of one's hosts.
4. The "There is only One tee shirt, and Jessica is it's wearer.": My personal fave. Best design. Best fit. Has a tiny blue patch on the front with a perfectly drawn chopper. The only writing is on the back, and it's unobtrusive and cool. Unfortunately, it's also in Arabic. So, that's that.
5. The Tangerine Dream: Another close one. Reads a bold "AIR ASSAULT" in black below a huge set of 101st Air Attack wings. Totally sweet. Is also a cool citric color--fresh and eyecatching. But the fit is a little off. Also, the logo was put on crooked which inevitably leads to my pulling the whole shirt back and forth all day like a five year old. Also, if I'm inclined to wear my zip-up hoodie, the only writing that shows is A-S-S. Character appropriate? Perhaps. Family backyard friendly? Not so much.

So, the decision making begins.