Regarding standard poodles: "Well, they were so hyper--they must have been inbred."
Regarding Racheal Ray: "She should really hang something over her butt if it sticks out that far."
Regarding breast implants: "People are now opting for silcone over saline, because it feels better. You know. To the touch." (With hand motions).
Regarding ladies her age: "You hit a certain point and you just start wearing purple."
Regarding me: "Believe whatever you want. It just means I'm going to pray twice for you."
Regarding my grandmother: "No way am I going to church with her. She's a crazy lady."
But we're freeee. Free, free, free!
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