Then I stuff you with bread. It won't hurt, cuz you're dead. And you're certainly lucky you are.

Close of Day Three of Puppywatch:

Five failed walks, one discarded towel, a pair of muddied sneakers, four slices of Kraft American Cheese slices as bribery, one punctured finger, and a very terrified, very short-lived flea and the tally is looking sadly one-sided.
Puppy: 13
Jess: 0

It could have been this evening when I nearly walked into traffic preoccupied with thinking: "My eyes itch. If I could take out my eyes and itch them, I would." It could have been last night when, giddy and showered and prompted by the French sea-bass challenge on The Iron Chef, I burst into a lively rendition of "Le Poisson" and wouldn't stop. But the signs are there. The puppy is going to break me.