Monday, May 02, 2005

Are we forgetting anything?

We went down to the Pittsburgh area this weekend and it occurred to me that we both have travel OCD. It's portable! It's pint-sized! It's just as zany and fun as its full-blown counterpart!

The compulsions begin minutes before we leave and get progressively worse.

1. The Oven Check, the Thermostat Check, the Lock Check. All three times each, all have to be touched.
2. The Packing of the Art. I probably won't be doing any drawing, but god forbid Oven Check fails and the house burns down. No. Strike that. If I don't pack the art, I'm ensuring that the house will burn down. So into the trunk it goes.
3. The Romy and Michelle. After buckling up and before passing the first gas station we give a hearty "(City of destination), here we come! Whoo-hooo!". This is a must, or bad things will happen, and it extends to travel guests. We refused to even start the engine this past time until my mom joined in the chorus.
4. Jess Stays Awake. I'm not going to be doing any driving, but I am convinced that by staying awake, I pass my powers of alertness (by some little understood, but very real form of empathy) onto The Driver. If I fall asleep, we die. That's just how it goes.
5. The Toll Card Yell. Headed towards PA, there's a border town called Ripley. Upon receiving the toll card, I must yell "Ripley!" over and over again in the voice of the little girl from Aliens. This can go on indefinitely as my cue to stop is the giggling of The Driver and he sometimes proves to be humorless.
6. Hoist. The one album The Driver will sing along with and necessary only for the long haul to North Carolina. Nothing puts him into a better mood than a perfectly tuned duet to "If I Could". So, out it must come at the moment I deem crucial (most likely involving the Maryland border, noonday sunlight, or some yahoo in a red car with Jersey plates). Because if he's in a bad mood, we die.

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