A small business owner on Elmwood has finally decided to wise up to his customers. The store is wonderful, but it's a deathtrap for the unwary female buyer. Be warned. He plays a dirty game and sets forth a gauntlet of three traps of such cunning that any misstep spells doom.
1. Shock and awww: Enter to find the prices low, the wood burnished, and the pillows sparkly. Set by a working fireplace to perfect effect is a lordly English bulldog, proferring her upturned belly for a petting. You kneel in obedience.
2. The Porridge Bowl: Move on giddily, only to come face to face with a candy bowl of indecent proportions. It's attended by candleholders and appears to be perpetually refilled by an enchanted reserve of mini Hershey's...Take one. They're freeee.
3. The Crush: With that word floating on the air, there comes the final blow. While you stand, disarmed and dazzled, smelling of puppy and gumming marshmallow and chocolate from your teeth, the owner sends out his impossibly gorgeous young partner as emissary. He may or may not be holding a second puppy. You will try to ignore the blue eyes, and the smiles, and the conversation about washing shams, and your brain will yell "GAY!", but the senses can take only so much battery.
And your voice will inevitably betray you with those fateful words:
"Yes, the queen sized one, please. And throw in that pillow."
1 comment:
it was horribly wrong for him to do that... and yet so right!
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